My past; My heart's stories

Few days ago...

im having a hard time

i've been experienced a lot

but it is still painful

especially when the one said some crucial word to me

this is not the first time

but honestly, how to fix tis heart?

i've been trying to hide it and pretend lik nothing happen

but tis is not the solution

tis is not me

sorry for being so "childish" if u think i am

everyone has their past, 

stop saying u understand my feeling, u dont

i've thinking of givin up tis relationship for times

but failed,

i miss touching ur face, look into ur eyes and say "i love u"

things seems change

ppl change...

who knows wat happen in 2013 July?

im stil going Taiwan with them?

is 2012 dec end of the world?

no body know wat might happen

but i know, right now, my broken heart

make me so so down n couldn't find a solution

quit my job is the solution?

or it is not bout my working time anymore?

u say u nvr change,

all guys said the same! LOL! but they actually did!

stop lying to me when i already know the truth

stop make fun in front of me when im damn serious bout our relationship!

stop ur fucking childish act wen im having a heartache time!

got it?!

My 22nd Birthday - The Pil

23 September 2012

Happy Belated Birthday to myself
hey, sexy lady~ u enjoy ur birthday so much huh?

let's start my story^^
22 September 2012
i hang out wit all my lovely college frens after work
in the office was reli reli busy,
so wen i came out frm toilet, someone pressed the doorbell
a lady holding a bouquet o.O
i was so surprise n excited, my first time receiving a bouquet weii!
(but a bit disappointed wen i know he used to bought one for my fren too)
 after work, William (my driver) came n fetch me wit my old fren (fer haru)
after all the misunderstanding v headed a place tat i would like to go

Ficelle Boulangerie Patisserie

im so surprise tat they actually organized it there

after a lunch with bunch of frenssss

v had second round at a cake shop

awesome cakes as dessert~ yummy!!!!

 

after tat, v planned to have dinner at (Snowy beer) 2008 Snow located near pantai cheras hospital, behind the may bank

some of them couldn't find the place again

(I wonder y all the places v organized is hard to be found)

the dinner is reli nice and thanks to some 'talkactive' fella tat make it lively and fun

Thanks for the cake at last from RT Pastry

is't only me? but the cake is REAL NICE!!!

love it so much!!!

 

last round, is chosen by mayi, ICB opposite leisuremall)

is a very good place for non-smokers to drink!

they hv non smokin drinkin area and v ordered 2 towers paid by me n my bii^^

v even count down from 2359-0000 (23 Sept 2012)

thank u so much everyone of u,

Wan Yin Mayi Fer Haru

William Anson Nyny Boon Kiat Cheetah Chee Leong Kenny 

 

 

on 23 September 2012

i noticed my leg allergic (since ytd) is getting worst

applied some cream n took a medicine n heading to church

(thank u my boy for following us to church tis week)

after the service i was damn sleepy coz of the medicine

i nvr know it was tis strong til i get frustrated n even scream at my boy in front of my brother

so sorry for tat!!==lll

 

v went kinkin ban mee for lunch den took a nap before heading dessert shop

had some dessert den my boy sent me to sis's house

family dinner time! all nice food n cost RM200++

omg!!!! daddy even bought me a birthday cake!

he called me to ask which one i like~

wat a nice dad!!! im so touch!!!

i love my family damn much!

after dinner go to my sis house again to cut the cake

on the way bac home im dead again bcoz of the medicine

the whole day i've been dying 

(other plan i force myself to keep awake, else i will shut down automatically)

thanks to the medicine on my birthday TT (#%*@%^$*@%@)

thank u for everything once again!

i reli love u all! muacks~~~

 

ps: my bii bought me a Fossil watch, bronze colour! DAMN LOVE IT!

 

Birthday Countdown

Hi people, Hi Blog
weird rite wen i actually talking to blog? LOL
i've started my workin life for 3rd months
the best thing of being a Media Monitoring Executive is
1- u gt ur gaji
2- u know everything on newspaper
3- will nt meet traffic jam
the bad thing bout tis job is
1-u need to wake up damn early (530am)
2- saturday need to work until 12pm
i guess, the only bad thing could cover all the goods for a youngster like me TT

back to my life,
so far so good, day by day, everyday repeat the same thing
after work (330pm) go home take a nap, dinner
sometime meet my boy for awhile
around 10+ is time for bed
time is never enough, not enough for my family or my boy neither
coz he is busy working, after his work basically is almost the time im off to bed
so, weekdays we hardly spend time tgt
wen v had wonderful time tgt, the next time im gonna b like a zombie
(nt enough sleep)

last time, i only drink teh wen i hv headache (nt enough sleep will cause headache)
but lately, i take 1 teh per day
imagine how tired my body is

weekend, is the only day i able to rest
only if he go bac hometown
if he is at KL, i will meet him for sure
Sunday-is Church day & family day
therefore, none of the day i can really sleep late or sleep tight
i miss HOLIDAY so much

in this 3 mths, thr r few holidays lik raya merdeka n hari msia
but, i will b either working o holiday wit my boy
(im sure some of u must b jealous =p)

honestly, this job doesnt suit me,
or maybe i hvt gt use to it yet
coz i dn reli talk much in the office
only wen im in super hyper mood
basically, i talk a lot wen i reach home o wen i gt to meet my frens
sorry for bein too talkactive wen i meet u guys,
according to a research, a women speaks 16000 words per day
i guess i collected a lot xD wakakakaka

i miss college life so damn much...
really~ so much!!!

recently colleague bought movies for us, i've watched a lot of movies during and after working hour
life is fragile, i always hv tis feelin tat sumtin bad gonna happen
btw, i just sign the organ donation, i wish someone can benefit tho i died
is't negative thinkin? or maybe v can say,
it makes me appreciate wat i have~

tat's all for today,
finally i hv the little time to blog
to express myself
to update my life to those who cares bout me
and, thank u for reading it

by: Asther Tan (my working name ^^)

End of July

after sometime, im bac to blog again...
Blog, used to be a place to hide my feeling
used to be a place to express my feeling
used to be a place I share about my college...studies...friends...
but now, im no longer a small girl, no longer a degree student...
i've completed my study...gt my result which is average around B
no more exams, no more assignments, no more attend classes, no more classmates
is totally a new life for me....[WORKING LIFE]

now i feel how adults felt...
v need vacation, v miss natural...which i duno how to appreciate b4
grrrr...i miss bukit bukit....beach....waterfall....everything
especially, Azalia, my fren....everything around me reminds me of our memories
whr v used to go, whr we've been, wat v did...the way v walk from car park to class
i miss coll life so damn much

===============================================

besides wat i miss so much
i've met the best guy i've ever met so far...
he is cute, caring, mature, someone i can rely on him
yet, he is hot temper just like me, notty lik a child sometime, selfish sometime
but, no one is perfect rite?
he will always b my mr.R!

================================================

recently im watching a drama "i need romance 2012"
very nice drama, is korean drama
bout the couple tgt for long long time n after broke up
she started a new life but the guy seems lik hidin somethin
somethin they said which is so true

这些事情我已经不是第一次做了
他应该也不是第一次
他应该也会想起之前的回忆
爱情故事就是这样的重叠着

but for me, i will try not to do wat i used to do wit other guys to the current bf
past is past...i wan create new memory for us...
i wan our memory replace my old memories...
coz, im in love wit the current US!

如果你有想过我的感受

世界上没有两全其美的方法
当你想要拥有平衡的生活
你就要牺牲与付出

一个礼拜你就喝酒了四天
从你第一次说你去喝酒我就没有说过"'不"
不敢发你脾气
所以多担心多不开心都不会阻止你去
我要的就是你的坦白
你愿意为我付出一点点时间
我很快就会被哄到了
有时候为了让双方好下台
也会想办法让我自己好受点，你也可以做你要的事情

爱情与自由，很难供存
我，不需要自由
因为我比任何人怕寂寞
对我来说，爱情就好像commitment
要有责任，照顾对方，爱着对方
我对感情很认真，也放很多心思,effort

我知道，
真正你委屈，你是说不出口的
如果真的委屈
你讲出来有用吗？
你讲出来是要人同情而已？还是要人知道你有几好？

所以，我都在学习忍耐
只是不喜欢在我流泪的时候
你不是搽我眼泪那个，是让我留泪那个

是你的就是你的-这句话真的可以增加我对我们感情的信任
哭过就好了
22岁了，还是那么爱哭
出世到现在，妈妈就说我爱哭
长大了，不要哭啦

Turning Point in my life

Hi, people
i've just started my holiday for....2 weeks?
spent my time with my bii go travel, i went hiking, movies, shopping, drinking
thank u all the friends around tat make my holiday so wonderful...

my working life begin next monday
another turning point in my life
enter the society
learn new stuff, new people, new environment,
no APIIT no classmates no cafeteria no aliah cafe

God bless my first career in my life...


thank u bii for making me so strong
not relying u tat much
u forced me to go with my frens more
u forced me to not get angry easily
[just because im afraid of losing u]
thank u for ur empty promises tat breaks my heart
so i can learn to be stronger
thank u for making me cry
so i learn to wipe my tears and put a smile on my face even my heart has broken

thank u for not caring me, so i can take care of myself
thank u for bein so cruel to me
thank u for the memories...i mean the good one

Who i used to be

i used to be get jealous easily
but right now, im gonna say
"if it is urs, it always urs, if it is not, den it will nvr be, no matter how hard u hv tried."
so...let it be, questioning doest prove anything
if he meant to lie to u, den u will gt the answer u wish to know
but it is actually not the truth
even if he tell u the truth, same goes to the ending of the story
so, if it is urs, it will always b urs
as long as u have tried ur best to keep tis relationship
and effort u put in this relationship

well, i feel tat im much more mature to talk bout tis right now
thanks to I.C. i guess... =)
i grow up from where i fall and learnt from those mistakes
good luck to myself...

*one more paper*

Suffocating

After exam, i feel like having a date
just someone who can bring me for nice food
maybe Melaka or KL
i wanna eat nice dessert, nice egg tart, nice chinese food

I've planned to go jogging every morning after my exam
make sure i gt enuf exercise that i missed for the past few months!

I will live my life on my way!
not for u, not for others,but for Myself, My Lord!

I duno how many times i have mentioned im gonna b strong
yet, im stil too weak and too naive
i wish, after i finish my degree
i can reli b a brand new me!
I me myself!

Hi, Blog

May coming to the end...
my degree gonna finish soon...
next week is my exam....
tis friday last assignment submission
recently, i cry easily...
one of the reason bcoz im leavin university
everything i used to hv in the past 4yrs
coming to END
my frens, wat i used to do, whr i used to go
everything gonna hv a big changes soon...
also my love life,
it is so different with others
i hv to admit im hot temper, get angry easily
but, now, i HAVE to control everything
i hv to hide my feelings from him

so....life is changing...
may God bless me and lead me on HIS way...

新的想法

原来每个人都是-个体

我们有属于自己的空间，自己的时间，自己的思想
过去，我总是想要掌控一个人的全部
我想要拥有，我觉得我自己懂得如何掌握

原来都不是，
不同的人有不同的思想

现在我在学习相信
相信一个人，让自己多一份安全感，多一点信心
这功课不容易，10年来都习惯这样的想法
现在努力学习改变
很希望这次的改变可以让这段感情变得更坚固一些

我真的很怕很怕失去
我要如何做个坚强的女生？